Bisexual Adventures with Calivé

When asked to write about my journey as a bisexual person, I was pretty stumped. My first thought was, ‘What journey? I don’t have a journey.’ I don’t. I “came out” (in the loosest definition of what coming out is) post 2016 and it went something like this:

Me: “By the way, I like women as well as men. Like, at the same time.”

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Person: “Oh. Word.”

That’s it! I didn't have a spirit journey or a tearful coming out story. I was able to casually mention it in passing to people and get little reaction. I realized, when I thought about it a little, that this was because of the people I surrounded myself with. One of the biggest perks of having friends and family that are “woke”, as the kids say, is that I get to have my sexuality not be a big deal at all. I had to think about the fact that not many people have that luxury, especially if you happen to be dating someone of the same sex.

The funniest thing about bisexuality is that people seem to have short term memory loss when confronted with it. Thus, whomever you’re dating at the time becomes indicative of your sexuality. So, unless you’re prepared to practice polygamy, you’re confined to gay or straight depending on who you’re seen with. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten the old, “But don’t you have a boyfriend?” when the subject of my sexuality comes up (The answer to that question is yes. No, that doesn’t mean I’m straight. Stay with me here). Which begs the question of whether people understand what being Bi is at all. Just so you know, it’s when someone is attracted to both the opposite sex and the same sex at the same time, and dating either one of those doesn’t change that fact. Bisexual visibility still is a huge part of the struggle because people refuse to think beyond the binary, leaving us with no allies.

I’ve been bisexual for as long as I can remember, but, since I grew up in a world where heterosexuality is the default, I just leaned really hard into the whole boyfriend thing. I always contemplate what my teenage years might have been like if I’d had the courage to admit to myself that I might, possibly, maybe like women too. It just seems like a large part of my adolescence is missing because I didn’t. I remember mentioning it at some point in high school (this was before I collected my woke friends) at a sleepover and being treated like a potential rapist, so I tucked that part of myself very deep in the little tomb in one’s heart where big dreams and greatest fantasies go to die. It didn’t come out again for several years.

Now, having a supportive and open minded group of friends and family has allowed me to be comfortable enough to be who I am without erasing a huge part of myself and to be able to regard my sexuality with a healthy amount of humor. Most importantly, it allows me to have the same crush (Teyonah Parris) as my boyfriend and have long, heated debates on who deserves the Hall Pass the most, should we ever meet her.

When you have the right people standing with you, being part of the the LGBTQI+ can be a beautiful experience full of adventure, self love and the most fun you’ll ever have. If you don’t have that right now, know that it’s out there waiting for you. Keep doing your thing, love who you love, be you, and eventually you’ll find people to love you for doing just that.


WOMANTRA Intern, Calivé Joseph, a student in her final year at the University of the West Indies, was a feminist before she even knew it. She spent her childhood in a conservative family quietly questioning the way things were "supposed" to be until she found her voice.

Now regarded by her friends and family as perhaps a little too woke, she spends her days educating herself and others about feminism, racism, socialism and sustainability.

As a radical feminist, she believes in action and is always down for the fight no matter the cost. She can be seen at any worthy cause with both a fist and a witty placard raised high above her head. She sees the world strictly as it could be and wishes to use her love of writing, her voice, and her passion to change it one ripple at a time. On the rare moments she's not fighting the Babylon system, you can find her hiking, with her nose buried in a book or on a Netflix binge.

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